Fully Operational
by Irlandaise
Summary: Kaname embarks on a quest to transform Sousuke into a normal, functional human being.- updated, but needs feedback desperately!
1. Chapter 1

_*All the standard disclaimers apply*_

_I'm a long-time lurker, first-time publisher, and would love if someone would like to beta this for me. Also, if anyone wants to point out errors/inconsistencies/stupid bits that would be great. I am definitely planning on extending this, and soon._

_I've read up through the third novel, all the manga, and seen all three seasons. This is set sometime after the end of TSR. _

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"GAH! Sousuke, I don't get you! How can you be so apathetic! This is your future. Without a good education, you can't get anything in life." She flopped down on the embankment by the canal, huffing her bangs out of her eyes. The object of contention was Sousuke's abysmal Japanese Lit test score.

"It is not a problem."

"It IS a problem. Don't you care? Do you want to be a sergeant for the rest of your life?"

Sousuke sat next to her, his back stiff and straight. "As long as I do my job to the best of my ability, my career advancement is up to the discretion of my superior officers." Kaname frowned at the reminder that she was his 'job,' a stab of inadequacy darkening her mood.

"Besides, I have been a soldier far longer than I have been a student. It is the only thing I have known. I have not thought beyond that."

"What do you want? What do you, as a person, want from your life?" Kaname stared at him intently, as though she could see through him if she tried hard enough.

Sousuke looked away. "I... I haven't..." he paused for a moment, trying to find words for something he had tried not to think about. He tried again; "I try not to want anything. Wanting what you can't have does you no good. It distracts you on the battlefield and makes you miserable off of it." He looked at his scarred hands clenched on his knees, and self-consciously forced himself to relax. "When I think about the future, what I want from it- I want you to be safe. And happy. To not have this constant danger and fear hanging over you. I know how important a normal life is for you."

Kaname swallowed past the tightness in her throat. As much as Sousuke could be a destructive military nut, he could also be incredibly sweet and loyal. This made her all the more determined to press her point.

"You deserve a normal life too. You're a teenager! If Shinji and Ono-D can do it, you should be allowed to!" She finished fiercely, frustrated by the unfairness of it all. Sousuke risked his life in terrible situations to protect people who would never know. The least he deserved was happiness.

He shook his head at this. "I don't... I'm not like them. I was a killer by the time I was eight years old... I've done what I had to to survive, and to protect other people, but I don't think I can be normal." He shrunk in on himself a little; "I don't think I'm any good around civilians. Even with all your help, I still don't understand a lot of what our classmates are thinking. It's like trying to run a mission with everyone on different frequencies!"

"You keep wiping everyone out with friendly fire?" Kaname gave him a lopsided grin; the otaku-speak was her attempt to connect with him. She felt guilty over all the times she had screamed at his military idiocy, berating him without even considering how lost he must have been.

He grimaced. "I hate failing. I'm supposed to be a Specialist, yet I..." he growled in frustration.

Kaname thought for a moment. "How did you get to be a Specialist?"

Sousuke looked sharply at her, surprised that she was voluntarily venturing into a military conversation. "I was good at using the Arm Slaves during Mithril's boot camp. I had used them since my time in Afghanistan, and had an advantage over most of the other recruits. After Mao discovered this, she had me go through the SRT training and found me competent. My experience as a guerilla translated well to the strike-force style of the team." His tone had grown crisper, as though reporting to a superior.

"So if you hadn't grown up the way you had, you wouldn't have had the skills to be a Specialist?"

"Affirmative. Though perhaps intense SRT training would have accomplished as much."

Kaname had worked out long ago that the best way to appeal to Sousuke was through logic. "Well, think about it this way. Our classmates are "specialists" in emotions and relationships because they grew up with it all around them. Have you ever lived someplace where people talked about their feelings? Where they wanted to know how you felt?"

He picked at the grass introspectively. "In the orphanage..." his face grew dark; "I was old enough to survive it, but the little ones- the babies- died from loneliness, from no one touching them. We were lucky to get food, forget about affection. In the KGB camp..." He looked at her stricken expression, and changed tracks. "Once I joined Mithril, my comrades made fun of me for my social inadequacies, but they have also tried to help me. Commander Kalinin has said on several occasions that I should use my time here in Tokyo to improve my interpersonal skills." Sousuke blushed a little; "He also said that you were, um... 'good for me.'"

Kaname preened a little. "The Commander's a smart guy. But anyway, my point is, you aren't naturally defective. You're just... stunted from not having a normal childhood. I think you learn a lot about emotions and stuff when you're little, having people tell you they love you and things." She thought of her own childhood, before everything went so terribly wrong in middle school. She tried to imagine what it must have been like to have been not only utterly alone, but cold and hungry and frightened. What Sousuke had told her of his early years made her blood run cold, and she feared that there were far worse things that he kept from her.

It made her want to hug him and comfort him, to defend him from any further harm. She knew how ironic it was to want to protect someone who could kill with his bare hands, but the feeling was strong and undeniable. At that moment, she felt like a tiger defending her cub. Fortunately the passersby were too innocuous to merit a halisen-lashing.

Sousuke looked even more dejected. "Then there's nothing I can do. I can't go back in time or change anything that happened."

"That's not true! You just need some intensive training. I think we've been focusing too much on complicated things like teenage culture and manners. We need to get back to basics, to help teach you how to understand emotions and reactions." She gave him a threatening look; "That is NOT to say that I will tolerate you blowing up any more shoe lockers."

He straightened up. "Affirmative!" The effect was ruined by his stomach rumbling loudly.

Kaname giggled. "Okay then, our first lesson will be dinner."

Sousuke wrinkled his brow in confusion. "I do not understand. What does food have to do with emotions?"

"You have no idea. Come on!" She dragged him to his feet, and set off towards her apartment.

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_I promise, another chapter soon. Please let me know what you think!_


	2. Chapter 2

"Okay, you sit here." Kaname shoved Sousuke into a chair in the corner of her kitchen. "I don't want you underfoot." She bustled about, opening cabinets and drawers with a speculative look as she contemplated dinner.

"How about curry rice? Sound good?"

"Affirmative. You know that it is my favorite." She smiled at him over her shoulder, then set to work. Sousuke watched her, admiring how quickly and confidently she could make something out of nothing. Even if he had never eaten her food, he would have known she was skilled merely by the way she moved. She was as swift and sure in the kitchen as Mao was with hand to hand combat, or Kurz with his rifle...

"Hey, what are you zoning out for? We have work to do."

"Huh?" Sousuke looked up at her, disoriented from his reverie.

"It has to simmer for a while, so why don't we start while we wait?" She tossed her apron on the counter, and herded him out to the living room. "Sit down. I just have to get something..." she rummaged through a drawer for a moment, followed by a victorious 'Hah!'

"Here, you're gonna need this." She tossed a notebook at his head. He caught it easily, then gave it a puzzled frown.

"Kaname?"

"If I know you, you'll end up secretly taking notes and calling it a 'mission briefing' anyway. Might as well do it from the beginning. Anyway," she settled herself next to him at the dining table; "what to start with. Hmm... how about the purpose of food?"

Sousuke looked a little insulted. "Kaname. I am not that foolish. I know what food is for."

"Duh. I don't mean eating food, I mean..." she spread her hands to indicate the dining area; "the reason people eat together. It's universal. It's the reason restaurants exist." She sighed at his clueless expression.

"Okay, I think you've mentioned this before. When your team gets back from a big mission, what do you guys do? Do you go eat MREs by yourselves, or what?"

"No. Everyone has beer and a steak dinner. Well, I have water and a CalorieMate, but that's what everyone else does."

"Exactly. It's not because they're hungry, it's because they're celebrating a victory together. Camaraderie. I know you understand that."

"Yes. A feeling of communitas over obtaining a shared goal. Common among-"

"Yeah, whatever. The point is, everyone does it, not just soldiers. People eat together to share friendship, to celebrate or mourn together, to show affection." At this, the kitchen timer rang.

"Oh, it's ready. Just a sec." She went off to the kitchen, waving down Sousuke's offer of assistance. He sat at the table, lost in thought. He remembered all those steak dinners, and how the team had relaxed together. Even if he never ate the same food, he thought that he had felt at least a little bit of the spirit of it, though he hadn't known what it was at the time. He contrasted what he had eaten on the streets as an orphan- garbage he had begged or stolen- to Kaname's warm meals. The difference was almost unimaginable; her curry rice was the first thing he had really allowed himself to taste in a long time. (Somehow he knew that fruit-flavored CalorieMates could not be considered 'delicious.')

"Here you go." Kaname placed a dish in front of him, juggling her own bowl and almost dropping the chopsticks before he rescued them. "Let me get drinks. What do you want? Water?"

"Yes please." The fragrant steam wafting from the bowl banished all memories of fighting off rats for rotten scraps, and sharpened his appetite. Kaname returned with drinks, and they both settled in with enthusiasm.

After Sousuke had finished his first bowl, he paused. There was something he had wanted to know, and Kaname was being so unusually patient that he thought she might answer honestly.

"Kaname... why do you always invite me over for dinner? Is it as you said, to show friendship? To show..." He choked on the word 'affection,' but it hung unspoken between them. He looked at her searchingly, hoping she would understand his question.

"Hah hah hah uh..." Kaname took a delaying gulp of her tea, unexpectedly embarrassed by something she had felt for months. "Well, of course you are my friend. More than just a friend, because we've gone through so much together. And it depresses me to think that otherwise you'll just be sitting in that bare apartment eating who-knows-what crappy military rations."

"Thank you, Kaname. You are a very kind person."

His earnest expression (coupled with some untimely memories of beating him about the head with her halisen) almost undid her, and she choked on her tea before gasping; "Well, it's just as easy to cook for two as it is for one." She bent over her curry, her face red from coughing and embarrassment. "Let me finish, then we can work on your training some more."


	3. Chapter 3

Kaname took the walk to school the next day as an opportunity for further enlightenment. She had figured out that if she provided a logical reason for why Sousuke should learn certain things he was much quicker at picking them up.

"Look, we both know that you don't care about music or TV, but you should at least be aware of what's popular. What if someone infiltrates the school? How are you supposed to know who's an imposter if you don't even know what the real students should sound like?"

"There are a number of behavioral indicators that--"

"Baloney! You rely on those indicators and where does it get you? You end up attacking innocent people and destroying public property. Sousuke, even if you don't want to blend in just for yourself, you should at least try to for your own safety, not to mention mine. As it is, you stand out really badly."

"There is merit in cultural awareness..." Sousuke frowned to himself as he performed his habitual visual scan of their surroundings, thinking back on the many conversations he had listened to without understanding who or what was being discussed. Commander Mardukas had frequently questioned his espionage abilities, and even Kalinin and the Captain had voiced concerns on his transition into civilian life. Either way, it seemed better to go along with Kaname on this one. "How do I learn about such things?"

"Just pay attention to what the kids around you are talking about. If you don't recognize something, ask me about it later, or look it up online. You can find out anything on the internet. There's even slang dictionaries online; loosening up how you talk might help you a bit too." A sudden thought struck her; "Just, uh, don't use any slang until you're certain you know what it means. Trust me."

"Affirmative. I mean, uh, yeah."

Kaname smiled at his effort as they joined the herds of other students filing into the school yard. She gave him a cheery punch in the shoulder. "Cheer up! It's time to try out some of what I told you." Sousuke was afraid it was only the beginning of a very long day.

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Sousuke tried to do as Kaname had taught him-- forcibly relaxing during the chaotic rush in the hallways and paying attention to the chatter around him. Lunch was the biggest trial; he had to simultaneously eat, guard Kaname, and appear casual, all the while discreetly jotting down notes on the conversations around him.

All this effort meant that he was basically mute throughout the meal, but since that was his standard MO nobody but Kaname noticed. For her part she tried to send him encouraging grins; Sousuke responded with ever-more-harrassed looks of confusion and despair.

Following lunch was the ever-dreaded P.E.. The normally athletic Kaname always loathed it because, in Kyoko's words, 'food plus low blood pressure plus running equals barf.' It was hard to maintain her image of super-cool beautiful ice queen whilst vomiting up pork gyoza, she thought acidly to herself. Kyoko dragged her along mercilessly, only to be stopped by a large group of whining and complaining girls blocking the entrance to the locker room.

"Hey guys, what's up?" trilled Kyoko.

"We have National Fitness Tests today." groaned Mizuki, pointing accusingly at a paper tacked on the door. "We have to do all the tests today, and the running tomorrow."

"Cheer up. Doesn't that mean we'll be in a combined class with the boys?" Kyoko grinned at her boy-crazy classmate.

"Ooh, you're right!" Brightening visibly at the thought, Mizuki began pushing her way through to the door.

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"At least we got warned about the running. If we had to do it today I think I would have passed out." Kaname groaned and stretched her arms as Kyoko finished her own set of push-ups.

"Yeah, you did eat a lot of those cookies-- what's going on over there?" Tiny Kyoko stretched up on her toes, trying to see past a crowd gathered on one side of the gym. It was made up mostly of boys, and they seemed to be chanting something. As Kaname ruthlessly elbowed her way to the front, she realized that they were counting off as two boys competed in pull-ups.

Ono D and Sousuke were doing simultaneous pull-ups, and Kaname would bet anything that Ono was the one who had done the challenging. From the look of, they had been going for a while and Ono was near the end of his strength. Just as Kaname thought that, his arms began shaking violently and he collapsed off the bar in a sweaty, exhausted heap. She turned her attention to Sousuke now, and blushed right up to her hairline.

She liked to imagine that she thought of Sousuke as innocent and almost child-like, despite his violent tendencies. She would, if asked, vehemently deny that she ever thought of him in a romantic, adult sort of way. She would be a liar.

As she watched his steady, rhythmic, and apparently untiring movements she was struck deeply by how masculine Sousuke was. Lean and wiry as he looked, the muscles in his arms stood out sharply as he flexed, and his damp shirt and shorts clung to the long lines of muscle in his thighs and chest.

Every time he pulled up, his shirt shifted and she could see the flat, ripped line of his stomach, marred by the long silvery scar that only she knew the cause of. His bronze skin shone with sweat, and his hair was dark and tousled from the effort. His face was set with concentration, his slate-gray eyes focused inward as he went smoothly through the movements.

Kaname stood there, transfixed, until the coach came and yelled at Sousuke for taking up the bar for too long. As he let himself down he was instantly surrounded by the boys in the class as they congratulated him on whatever ridiculously high count he had made. She let herself be buffeted for a moment as she took a long, shuddering breath.

When she had regained enough self-possession to walk in a (mostly) straight line she headed for the bathroom, where she promptly locked herself into a stall and sat, staring blankly at the dull green paint of the door for a long time.


	4. Chapter 4

Sure, Kaname knew that she cared for Sousuke. If nothing else, her despair and loneliness during the Amalgam incident had taught her that. But she had always tried to avoid analyzing exactly _how_ she cared for him. She certainly loved him, just like she loved Kyoko-- the way one might love any close friend. She liked spending time with him on those precious occasions in which he relaxed and let himself be a teenager instead of a warmongering idiot; she liked sitting next to him on the train, and walking home with him, and helping him with his school work. She especially liked making him food; seeing him eat and enjoy what she made let her feel as though she was healing some of the old trauma he had suffered.

And yeah, she had let herself idly wonder how it would feel to hold hands with him as they walked home. He had nice hands: they were warm and strong and slightly rough from many years of hard living. She had even admitted to herself that he was handsome... and brave... and strong... and utterly loyal-

This line of thought was interrupted by someone banging on the stall door. "Kaname," Kyoko called "are you OK? Did you throw up?"

"Ah, no, I'm fine. Just a sec." Kaname rubbed her face hard with her hands, and tried to pull herself together. Why was she so shaken? She saw Sousuke every day, had in fact seen him shirtless before, and hadn't been affected like this. She thought back rapidly over the time she had known him, trying to remember every moment she had felt herself drawn to him, every time they had shared something that others might call _romance_. There was the time after they had both finally returned to school, and she had collapsed sobbing in his arms... when she had cut his hair for him... when he told her she was beautiful as they stood by the lake... that time, now seeming so long ago, when they had stood in the rain, surrounded by enemies and with Kurz bleeding and unconscious on the ground, and she had truly understood exactly what Sousuke was. Even before that, when he had first transferred, she had thought him cute in a stern, weird sort of way. He had relaxed so much more since then, and hopefully would improve even more now that she was helping him--

Kaname had a sudden, sinking realization that deflated her romantic fantasies mid-bloom. Sousuke could barely manage normal everyday human interactions. He was _definitely_ not ready for the minefield of dating. She wasn't even sure how _she_ felt about it, and she had grown up normally and had had boyfriends before. Sousuke had barely had anyone to care if he lived or died, much less someone to teach him about emotions and how to react to them. Until now. _She _could do that for him, and if it meant hiding how much she wanted him, well, she had the willpower to control herself.

* * *

Her willpower was tested almost immediately after gym class, when Sousuke settled into the seat behind her in Japanese Lit. It was nothing new--he always liked to maintain a line of sight (in his words)-- but today, knowing that he was there behind her, looking at her, thinking about her even, made her very jumpy. She felt as though she could hear every breath, feel every sigh against the back of her neck, and it completely ruined her attention for the lesson. She was so distracted that Kyoko had to throw an eraser at her head when it was her turn to read out loud.

Her hyper-awareness of him continued through the rest of the day, and she felt restless and unsettled. It was strange how one brief moment of clarity could completely change everything, and she didn't quite know how to deal with the change. Eventually she gave up on trying to pay attention to her classes, and instead made mental lists of activities and plans to further her Sousuke-improvement efforts. He desperately needed lessons on normal human interactions, especially among families and friends. And, if she managed to slip in some tutoring on more romantic subjects, all the better.

Kaname's persistent distraction did not go unnoticed. As they walked home after school she kept running over ideas in her head, and tried not to let her awareness of the boy next to her show. Sousuke shot her questioning glances, confused by her unusual silence, but didn't say anything until she almost stepped right in front of a moving truck.

"Kaname!" He shot an arm out to stop her, and she stumbled to a halt just as the truck went roaring by. "What are you doing? You might have been killed!" Suppressing shivers from her near miss (and from Sousuke's touch) Kaname shook her head mutely. She let him hustle her away from the street corner and onto a nearby bench.

Sousuke squatted in front of her so he could look into her face at eye-level, carefully checking for signs of fever or illness. "Are you feeling unwell? Has anyone given you something strange to eat or drink in the last several-" She cut him off.

"No, Sousuke. I'm fine. Really. I was just distracted by something. Sorry." She smiled at him reassuringly.

"No need to apologize, Chidori. Just please be more careful in the future. Several hundred people in Japan are struck by vehicles and killed each year."

"Okay, okay, I know. I'll look both ways next time. Anyway, I was thinking, do you want to go out to eat tonight? So we can work on your social lessons a bit?" She gave him a winning smile to entice him.

"Is that why you were distracted? I do not know a good place to eat either, I'm afraid... Ono D mentioned a ramen shop, but I don't know if you would like a place like that..." Sousuke frowned to himself as he looked around at the nearby businesses.

"Oh, it doesn't really matter where. We're mostly going to be people watching, so maybe a busy place would be better. Why don't we try that fast food joint across from the station?"

"People watching? As in, surveillance?" Sousuke looked intrigued.

"Something like that." She let him pull her to her feet. "Just not the kind of covert ops you're used to. C'mon, I'll give you a mission briefing on the way."


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